getting vulnerable about the new site

Ya'll, I know in the grand scheme of things - this really doesn't matter. But I did want to share a few thoughts about my new virtual home.

First, if you have been around for a while you know that I started painting a few years ago. Those of you that know me personally know that when I start something new I kind of shoot out of a cannon and I become pretty darn obsessed with it. When I say obsessed, I mean I become uber focused and I do it all the time until I burn out - in my family we call that the "Moore one track mind." I come by it naturally.

But when I started the site over a year ago to share my pictures and paintings I did it for all the wrong reasons. I literally thought - I have to pay for this hobby because it's not cheap.

And then something happened - no one was buying. Granted, I wasn't doing a lot of marketing AND I wasn't really interested in getting into a full fledged business because, well - I do have a career and family - but it was hard and I wasn't ready for it.

As an artist and creative, you put yourself out there all the time. Sharing your work is quite a vulnerable experience and I took the lack of sales as rejection. I started thinking - I must not be any good.

I was also going through a whole lot of personal stuff - which I plan to share more on soon - which didn't help. And so guess what... I stopped painting.

When I say painting gives me joy, I mean it gives me JOY. It lights me up. It fills my cup. It fuels my soul. As I moved through my year last year God really did a transformation on my heart (again, coming in those stories) and I realized that I let something go that gave me so much all because I felt rejected by no one buying on my website. What?

I had to ask myself "Alison, are you painting for others approval or are you painting because you need it, love it and it feeds your soul?" I wrestled with this and realized my entrepreneurial self let my ego get in the way and I needed to re-shift my focus.

I began to ask myself - why are you painting? Was I seeking other's approval? Did I want people to stroke my ego? Was I really painting to make money? And the answer to all of this was, "no." I paint because I love it. I paint because it recharges me. I paint because I am wired to creatively express myself. I paint to feel closer to God. I paint to foster gratitude. I paint so I can feel.

I had it all wrong when I started this site over a year ago. This wasn't about me selling my work. This was about me feeding my soul. So I created this "creative mantra" that I started using every time those feelings of rejection would start popping up (more on this later) - reminding myself why I create, why I paint.

So, my hope is that you see my new site as not just as a place to purchase my work (if that is what you want) but a place that offers you beauty, hope, and meaning. This place is my virtual home. It is where I can express the pieces of myself that if left dormant and untended I won't feel as alive. It is a place to inspire. A place to find joy and if you discover a piece of art that you need for yourself, my prayer is that it brings you just as much joy as it did me while creating it.