The power of being "other"

Random, yes, but what made me think about this was a recent interaction with my team and then a post on social asking the same question, “what was your wedding song?”

Many know the very conservative upbringing I had - which has resulted in a lot of interesting conversations in my adult years, especially when everyone around the table assumes we had the same experiences. From college, to prom, to many other “normal” scenarios.

So when the question came up over a team dinner recently, “What was your wedding song,” I found myself wracking my brain thinking “what am I going to say?”

You may wonder why I didn’t have a wedding song - something I knew I’d have to explain in this conversation. I struggled to quickly contrive a concise answer without dampening the mood of something that was so joyous for everyone at the table. At the time, dancing and any music that was mainstream (or Christian rock) was off limits. Part of my parents conservative beliefs. No dance with father. No dance with my new husband and a reception that was an hour at most because we knew no one would stay long without any entertainment.

Years later at my sister’s wedding, we partied like it was 1989 - dancing, singing, and celebrating. My father grabbed me for a moment and as we danced together he leaned in and apologized for never giving me that party at my wedding. Even after 21 years of marriage Doug and I still talk about throwing a wedding party one day for ourselves.

I know my mother will read this and she will feel bad, but my wedding day was still special and beautiful despite our lack of a wedding song.

I share because we all have things that make us feel “other.” This can come to life in the typical ways like race, gender, and sexuality but the question reminded me that we all have unique experiences and while we share a lot we also are very different as well. It can make for rich conversation if we lean in and those of us that wind up in the seat of “other” can bring that gift to the conversation if we are willing to allow others to lean in.

I don’t say this lightly - “otherness” comes with insecurity and many times pain so we avoid it or we are fearful of how others will react. But, if we always assume we are all the same and those of us with “other” experiences never share we lose out on the richness of life and the human experience.

So the next time you get to sit in the seat of “other” I hope you remember this little post and choose to use it’s power because your “otherness” is what makes you so unique and special!